Because you are Mine!

I'm Sorry my life that you have to suffer...
that you are just a game..
which everybody is playing to win
and then there is me who constantly loosing it...
that you are trapped inside a body
which is dumb enough to let everybody use it for their fun
and then its me who doesn't have a common sense to stop it...
that you are controlled by a mind
which is soaked in deep river of sorrow
and then there is me who can serve as an anchor but refused...
that you are supported by a heart
which is not giving up and keep holding you
and then it just me who keep crushing it again and again...
I'm sorry my life that you have to suffer because you are mine!

About My Past

The more I wanna forget, the more it haunts me.
The more I wanna run, the more it chases me.
The more I wanna push it away, the more it wanna come back.
The more I wanna throw it in deep oceans,
the more it wanna swim on the edges.
The more I wanna hide, the more it demands to be shown.
The more I don't wanna talk about it,
the more it comes as a mandatory question.
The more I wanna state it wrong,
the more it comes as a medical report that needs to be diagnosed right.
The more I wanna lock it inside, the more it wanna escape.
The more I decline it, the more it demands to be accepted.
The more I  wanna overcome this grief,
the more it fights for its existence.
The more I wanna leave it broken, the more it demands to be fixed.
And that's when I don't know what to feel and do about my past!

Again

Its happening again...
I have started to like someone again...
And that someone is becoming my habit again...
I can feel the life again...
I can feel the connection again...
I think I am in love again...
It was nice to feel alive again...
It was nice to dream again...
I wont be able to live without someone again...
And the person I made my special one, wanna leave me again....
All the shits are same again...
I am unbearable again....
I was left to be broken again...
I was expecting too much again...
I was dumb enough to believe again...
Its was just like my past again...
Which converting into my present again...

Will he cry??

She lean on her bff's shoulder.... and asked him...  will he cry after I die??
Her bff look at her with his amaze and confusing eyes...  thinking from where all this is coming...
She asked answer me na... will he???
He replied.... sure my little angle but he doesn't want you!!
She know he doesn't want her now!!
But...
Will you do me a favour...??
Hmm.. he nodded
She says "When I will be gone... just let him know that.. yes there was major mistakes made by me... but that all because he never valued me.. and that please don't repeat the same mistakes... specially not with the one.... true love of his life... not for a sec..!! And that I never stopped loving him!!"
Her bff is now terrified with each words coming from her mouth..
But then he knows why this all was coming from her even when he had seen her being strong for every single time....
It was coming from her disappointment for every single things that doesn't fall on places.
Her bff was confused and confident that his crazy friend is going to take a big disscion regarding her life and that to end her life...
But he was confident that she is mature enough and she will not do these stupid things and will make her life worth.. but he also knows that she loved that dog very much and he is never gonna worth her...!!
so again she asked her bff how her love gonna react when her brother will let him know about all the things she ever felt for him.. Even if he wont take it seriously she begged that just let him know once atleast!!!
and he made her felt safe about it that he will let him know regarding all she felt.... thinking do he'll cry when she die????